I am always honored when I get asked to write for Living Lutheran, however, in some sense, this assignment is probably one of the toughest because it involves looking back over a somewhat long life and reflecting about the things, the people and the faith that have made me who I am. The assignment: “The seven most important things that I have learned in life and the person that I give the most thanks to.”
At the outset I have to acknowledge how grateful I am to be alive given the social climate that existed when I was born. I was born in 1952 in Vicksburg, Miss. I was reared in Jackson. Segregation was real and ugly. It had a real impact on our movement and more profoundly upon one’s self-image.
My wife and I recently saw the movie “42” about the great Jackie Robinson and how he would break the color barrier in Major League Baseball. There was a scene in that movie where the manager of a Major League team taunted Jackie with a barrage of racial epithets. That moment became difficult for me to watch because I remember being on the receiving end of those kinds of comments growing up. And the thing that made those moments difficult was that often they would come out of nowhere. It is important that you know this because the context and the climate in which I grew up and lived in, on a daily basis, give meaning to what has shaped my person and my character.
My first teacher was my mother. She had only an eighth-grade education. She had had five previous miscarriages. I was the child that survived.
My mother was a devout Christian. She was a praying woman, and there would be many times when I was growing up that I would be awakened early in the morning by her powerfully moving prayers. When things were difficult she would say, “Son, remember that God is always with you; learn to trust him and trust him even more when you are faced with ugliness.”
Prayer has been central in my life. It keeps me grounded and centered and more importantly it has kept me from becoming cynical or bitter. She would follow her instruction about prayer with these words: “You must always have love for everyone and especially for those who would seek to do you harm.” “Learn to meet hatred with kindness.” These were hard lessons to swallow sometimes, especially when someone had just hurled a bunch of demeaning words in your direction for no apparent reason or when you were denied service or told that you needed to go through a separate door in order to receive that service. But I saw the one who had passed on that advice live daily what she preached and taught.
My mother was a humble person and it is that third lesson that I seek to embrace. I’m still growing into that lesson and it is the lesson that we have tried to pass on to each of our three sons. Humility does not mean that you lie down and allow people to walk all over you. A truly humble person is one who is secure in their being, who loves themselves enough so that you never find your power in putting down or denigrating someone else. My mother never met an enemy. She was strong and bold in her faith and she would always allow love to lead her.
I’ve tried to model this lesson of love-leading in my personal as well as my professional life. I’ve not always been successful at it but I still believe that it is a worthy thing to let love lead. We become better human beings when we do. We model the best of what Jesus calls us to be.
I would also learn a love for learning from a woman who did not have very much of a formal education, but she knew the value of an education, and she insisted that I never miss a day of school. She would work two jobs to make sure that I would always have what I needed.
When I was in middle school, after we had finished eating and I had done my chores, when it was time for me to do my homework, she would sit there with me. When I look back there were probably things that she didn’t understand but her presence communicated her undying support of my learning. And while I have long since finished my formal education, I am still an avid reader/learner.
Finally, there are these two lessons and life principles that have been central in my life and in my vocation as a pastor. They are to treat every person with respect; treat them as you would want to be treated because every person is a child of God.
Perhaps one of the most important lessons — and I can hear my mother’s voice as I write this: “Son, no matter how far you go in life, no matter what it is that you achieve, remember that you didn’t get there or achieve it on your own. You got there by the grace of God. You got there because a lot of people were praying for you, and God placed people in your life all along the way who would help you and bless you.
“When you were born I gave you back to God so don’t ever live selfishly.” I give God thanks for this incredibly wise, generous and loving woman who was my mother. I was blessed to have her in my life for 50 years.
